Diary of a Mad Menstruating Woman

"And on the 7th Day, God invented the Period to make women suffer for one stupid bitch's mistake. Thanks Eve, thanks.
~Splendwhore

Do you think it could be considered egotistical to quote yourself? *Shrugs* Whatever. I'm an arrogant prick when I want to be. Deal with it. ^.^ Anyways, as you can see from my self-quoted quotation, I am suffering through my monthly birth right. Yay, I was born female! I automatically draw the short stick in life. Men will look down on me & devalue my opinions. I'm expected to stay home, get fat, pop out a few kids, and have a hot meal and my legs spread eagle whenever my guy decides to grace me with his presence. Oh, and one more thing: I will consistently bleed from the genitals once a month, every month, until my body withers up and loses it's ability to produce offspring. Awesome.. fan-fucking-tastic! You know if a man bled from his penis once, just once, he would be in the fetal position on the floor, crying and begging for the suffering to end. Okay, so sometimes women cry on their period, but we also get downright ruthless! For instance: When I'm on my period you better not even look at me wrong, or your testicles will be down your throat before you can even blink. No joke man, no fucking joke. This is the diary of a mad menstruating woman. There's no telling what I'm liable to do when I'm bleeding from the cooch. 

And don't you even dare ask me for sex! Okay, we all know I want it, but I'm sure as shit not getting it from you. Naw, I'll wait till your gone at work all day, leaving me alone and bored with nothing to do but clean and rant on my blog. Then I'll take 4 or 5 of my prettiest playthings and go to town on myself. Me? I'm not afraid of a little blood. The lovely bright red contrasting against an elegant white toy. It's almost arousing, seeing something so beautiful become so dirty at my hands. Ice cold fingertips ghost across hot flesh. Electricity ripples just beneath my skin, exciting the nerves, overpowering the senses. Blood pumps faster and faster, bleeding life out from where life first crawled. I am the maiden, the mother, the crone. I am creation, and life; my body holds its secrets. I writhe and arch, the pleasure that I bring is my own. This is for myself, and nobody else. Empowered by these thoughts, I tip the boat and dip once, twice, three or four times into the pool of enlightenment. Ecstacy overtakes me, body and soul, and I am one with the universe...

Four miraculous, mind blowing orgasms later I'm eating leftover Chinese that was so much better yesterday, and bitching to the world about my monthly cycle. I'm not even angry or upset right now. I'm so damn mellow from that sex session I just finished, I can almost feel myself smiling! And every once in a while, I catch myself humming a jaunty tune. But Fuck you! I want to watch sappy love movies and eat ice cream. I want to make out and rile you up, then glide just outside the reach of those questing hands. I'm going to bitch and rant and rave, and make you cuddle me every single night. We're eating what I want for dinner, and I'm not fucking making it. Y'know why? Cause I'm on my period, and it's my damn birth right. Just a week outta the month, I'd like to get my way. Is that so horrible? What.. it is? Well who asked you anyways. ;P

Warning: All content herein contained is not to be taken seriously in any way. 
Please, don't get a stick up your ass about something ridiculous I said. 

Please & Thanks.
~Splendwhore

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4 comments:

~*Katie*~ said...

I'm a new follower! I love your blog!! :)
This post gave me a good laugh...

Splendwhore said...

Hey Katie, thanks for being a follower. I'm glad you like my blog, and that you could get a laugh out of this post. That's what I'm here for. Advice, moral support, & entertainment. ^_~*

Misfit Momma aka Missy said...

All too true , loved it :)

Splendwhore said...

Missy, I live to serve. *Bows* I solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth, so help me Sex Toy Gods.

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