So I was thinking to myself as I scrubbed down a particularly girthy realistic dildo about how my life, and my routine, have changed since becoming a reviewer. It was an interesting narration of all the things I now do differently, and I just had to share it with you! So, how have sex toys changed my life? Let me count the ways...

Cleaning giant detached penises. That would be a good place to start. Definitely not something I did on a regular basis previously. I can't say I dislike it, the extra cleaning is almost therapeutic. Though I'm sure if I had guests over, they might be a little appalled to find dildos in the dishwasher. *shrugs* It's just so mundane to me now, I can't even be bothered to care. While we're on the topic of toys and cleaning, lets talk laundry. I have to wash so much laundry now, it's ridiculous! I'm talking bedsheets and sofa covers, you realize. Pillowcases smudged with white stains, and sheets that are soaking wet with love juices. Yes, yes, that would be me. *blushes* I've become a regular squirter, and it's somewhat of a problem. Do I want sympathy? No. Do I want a Fascinator Throe? Oh god, YES!

The contents of my purse are radically different from prior to me becoming a reviewer. Okay, first of all, I actually have a purse! I've never been a "purse person". Honestly, I finally caved and bought one because I was tired of cramming my pockets with shit. Let me just say, best thing I've ever fucking done! I somehow managed to pick the absolute perfect one to match my personality too. Cute, and nice enough to be considered dressy, but casual enough to be worn with anything. Very functional, and very full of my favorite discreet toys! I carry my Mia around with me at all times. It's an incredibly unassuming vibrator by Lelo, which looks rather like a large tube of lipstick or mascara, and when you pop the cap off appears to be a USB device. This rechargeable beauty is my ultimate sidekick! Where I go, Mia goes. I also tote around Lina, the vibrator masquerading (and functioning!) as a pen. She's great for crossing off your grocery list, or signing checks at the bank! Or any other activities you might have in mind. My blue Speeding Bullet by Evolved Novelties is a great powerful little backup, in case Mia dies in the middle of some fun. The Just in Case (red) doubles as a compact mirror and secret sexy storage for condoms, lube, or anything else you could squeeze in there! The Size Does Matter is a small red case, which is perfect for condoms, small bullets, or as a change purse! Okay, so I actually don't own those last two, but they're as good as mine as soon as the next paycheck rolls in. >;D

And last, but not least, the core reason of a reviewer's existence: Receiving fun new toys in the mail. Hells yeah!! This is critical for me! I cannot tolerate doing (or using) the same things over and over again. I get incredibly bored incredibly fast. Since becoming a reviewer, all of that has changed! Each day is exciting, and every toy is new and different. The question is now not "Do you want to have sex?" but rather, "How do you want to have sex?" A million different possibilities have all opened up. Making love is new and interesting each time. Not only that, but it's more pleasurable! I'm more open about my needs and wants. I know what feels good, and I'm not afraid to say it anymore. My relationship with my partner has improved because of the confidence I've gained in myself, and my ability to please him. Sam's even become quite adventurous himself! He's helped me test new toys on several occasions without so much as a complaint! ^_~* I've become more confident outside the bedroom as well. I'm increasingly outgoing, & less timid. I'm even considering employment at a local sex shop to further explore this new interest of mine! 

There are some downfalls too, though. For instance, I now go through soap about 10x as fast as a normal person. But that's a small sacrifice to pay in the long run for all the pleasurable perks which have arisen from my new found interest. Being a sex toy reviewer isn't just a hobby, it's a passion. This is an amazing, innovative industry. One which I hope to remain in for a good chunk of my life. Maybe I'll even pursue a career in this field! Join a corporation, open my own store, or even invent my own product line! The word on the street is: Sex Sells. I'm rather inclined to believe that from everything I've seen thus far. Society is becoming increasingly more open concerning sex. It's a daily struggle, but we're winning, I know it! I certainly wouldn't hate being apart of the movement.

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Gardenvy said...

Love this, and my life too has been altered for the better! ;)

Anonymous said...

My life hasn't been drastically alter. We have more sex though, and I no longer dread the mail. I actually look forward to it. :) I'd love if this gave me more confidence in the bedroom and out.

Alan & Michele said...

Yeah our lives have changed as well, and it's mostly all good. It's sorta funny that we can't watch porn anymore without noting things like camera angle, lighting, etc. though (LOL)

Splendwhore said...

Alan & Michele, I understand the thing about the porn. Mostly because i over-analyze though. I tried to watch porn. I got through two 1/2 movies before I finally said "nu-uh, this isn't for me'. Porn seriously doesn't do it for me. I'd rather just watch my Cuddle Monkey! ^_^ Gooey love names? Yes, I went there.

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